My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
