Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
