Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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