you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's blow job season.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
