Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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