this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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