i just sent this text using only my big toe
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
