My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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