I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
