he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
