There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
