I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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