i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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