wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
