It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
