Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
