Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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