I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
