just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize