I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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