where am i from again
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
