It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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