I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
