I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
