Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
