it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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