She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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