I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Two words: blizzard sex
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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