If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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