arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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