I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
