my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
