Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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