The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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