dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
