Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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