afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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