The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
