turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
