He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
