You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize