i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
