i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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