Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
