I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
