All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
