i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
