alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's blow job season.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
