i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
