Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
