Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
