I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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