yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
