You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize