it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize