When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
sarcasm needs its own font
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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