I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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