I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
