Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
