the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if only i could text you this smell
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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