Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
