I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
