He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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