You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
