I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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