nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
