operation harelip BJ is a go
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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