the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
