i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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