last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
