The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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