im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
