we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
