I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
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