lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
