Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
