My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
