Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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