Just fell off a train. Bad.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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