I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize