Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
