Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize