You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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