literally had 100 drinks last night.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
