can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize