Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
