He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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