my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
