i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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