i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
