Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
