if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
