no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
