I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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