So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
