i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
