And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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