Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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