No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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