According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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