I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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