True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
