i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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