Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
