Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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