I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
