I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize
