dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
