Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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