i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
