So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
