Your mouth is God's brothel.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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