It's Friday. Sex?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
